One of the blogs I follow, The Mommy Revolution, had a recent posting about Loneliness. As a stay-at-home mom - and actually, more likely, simply as an American - I have also had bouts of loneliness. Today the first adult I actually spoke to was my husband at 5:30 at night. Ten and a half hours of my day were spent in virtual isolation. I went many places - to Target, the mall, the Post Office, and an art studio, but none of these places had opportunities for true interaction. Of course, I talk with my children all day long, but since they are both pre-verbal, that conversation is very one-sided. Even my conversation with my husband felt a little one-sided tonight. He has been talking to people all day long and was probably looking forward to a moment's peace. I, on the other hand, have had no meaningful adult interaction today and was bubbling over with topics to discuss.
Americans on the whole seem pretty deprived of interaction. John Bul Dau (one of Sudan's Lost Boys) commented on his surprise at seeing the great disconnect between generations and between neighbors in his book God Grew Tired of Us. He was surprised to find how much Americans hide out in their homes instead of joining their friends, neighbors, and family for fun and stories in the evenings. Of particular concern to Dau was the isolation among families. "America's greatest weakness, I believe, lies in how it has drifted from the love of a family" (p. 279). "By separating the generations of a family, the circle of life gets broken" (p. 280).
We tweet, we check email obsessively, we update our Facebook status, we check our cell phones for calls or text messages, and yes we even blog. There seems to be an innate need for human connection and interaction. In some ways, the digital revolution has been powerful in getting people connected who would have never known each other before. In other ways, it seems to counter or interfere with connecting in the "real world." And I'm with John Bul Dau - I hope we can reunite the generations.
But until then, what can we do about it? For myself, I contacted a mommy friend I know, hoping to meet up with her this week. Although...I'm not sure if she has responded yet. I have to check my email.
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So true. Your entire post. But as a SAHM I can so relate to your husband observation and Target experience. We see people, but we don't really interact. I did when I lived in a town, where I walked to town, walked around the town, bumped into people on the street, etc. Living in suburban strip mall America we exist within our homes and our cars.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm impressed you have the time to read smart books like Dau's.
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ReplyDeleteMelissa - you're so right. The layout of our cities and towns also plays a huge part in the quality of our interactions. I hadn't thought of that before. About Dau's book - yes I've been on a bit of a stint, reading non-fiction related to Africa. I'm hooked. One of my next books will be a modern history of Sudan.
ReplyDeleteMiranda - thank you. That was a very nice thing to say.
Melissa - I just remembered that you addressed the suburbs vs. the city as it relates to isolation in your book. I plan to re-read that chapter. The back of your book says, "Don't Stay Home Without It" and it is so true! It is a must-have for SAHMs.
ReplyDeleteI found you from Whitney's Dare to Dream post--your lovely story. I actually took action (for me) on this lonliness issue. I've started making conversation with the clerk at the P.O., the check-out person at the grocery store, etc. These are all places I go on a regular basis, so why not have some meaningful conversation with people? No expectations, just a cheery hello. It actually makes a difference for me--we do thrive on our interactions with others. I've even met (in person) the most amazing women through blogging.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea, Jenny. Thanks for sharing it! I've been trying to also make a point of learning the names of the people I see everyday.
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